Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Monday, 2 November 2015

image for Next Republican Debate to be Held in a Virginia Daycare Center

WASHINGTON, DC--A number of staff members from this year's Republican presidential contenders met in a suburb of Virginia on Sunday to hash out the details for the next Republican debate, to be held, one spokesperson from the meeting said, at a daycare center in suburban Washington called The Little Red-State Schoolhouse.

The senior strategists from the various campaigns--representing Ben Carson, Donald Trump, Jeb! Bush, Carly Fiorina, Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, John Kasich, Ted Cruz, and the others who sat at the kiddy table the last time around--are angry with the RNC for its handling of this year's Republican debates. Said one senior campaign strategist from the Carson campaign: "Those moderators in the last debate asked some super unfair policy questions and tried to turn us against each other. These kinds of 'gotcha questions' are not what the American people want to hear. Instead, the American people want to hear questions about how many times Hillary Clinton emailed Sidney Blumenthal during the Benghazi crisis; and how, in January of 2016, Barack Hussein Obama is going to declare himself Supreme Leader and Jurist of the United States of Islamabad for life, before imposing Sharia Law on all Americans."

The campaign strategists are also thinking about asking some of the children from the Little Red-State Schoolhouse to pose questions to the candidates, as long as the questions aren't "gotcha questions" dealing with complex national or international policy issues.

Said one of the children interviewed by a reporter from Politico about the next debate, "I'm not gonna ask any ga-ga-ga-gotcha questions of the Canada dates. I'ma only gonna ask the really hard questions they tell me to ask 'em."

Chairman of the Republican National Committee Reince Priebus, when asked about the strategy meeting on Sunday, only shook his head and rolled his eyes, again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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