Written by Joanie Chevalier
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Topics: NASA, Full moon

Friday, 7 August 2015

image for 19-year old Colorado Man Irate that July's Blue Moon was White
Stupid White Moon

Angry 19-year old Duncan "Kev" Calburn, 19, has been blowing up the switchboard at NASA's headquarters, first by leaving demanding voicemails wanting an answer, and then simply by hanging up. The FBI reports that, to date, there have been 542 documented hang ups from Kev's cellphone number and a dozen from his mother's cellphone, which was obviously also used by Duncan "Kev" Calburn since he lives at his mother's house.

After finally locating Kev, and interviewing him from the driver's seat of his car, The Chronicle finally gets to the bottom of Kev's anger. According to Kev, his alarm woke him up at 7 p.m. that fateful Friday night so that he and several friends could drive to a field far enough away from the city lights to view July's "Blue Moon." After a two hour drive, they settled in on lawn chairs after setting up their chips/dip/taco bar and carefully lining up the jello shots. They then waited to be dazzled. And that's when they realized that they had been "had."

Kev retells the tale as if it happened only last night, instead of five nights ago. [Emphasized words are translated into English]. "And then I go [said] that freakin' org [organization] got me up early on a fripm [Friday night] for this snizzle [shit]? Sawha [I don't understand]? I coodof [could have] stayed in the crib [home] neged [laying around naked] playing C&D [Call of Duty] on the net [internet] with my homie [best friend] PetriDish [nickname for James, best friend]. I mean, I hate to be derpy [long-winded] but the org shalandzie [should take full responsibility for their actions].

Kev further reiterated to The Chronicle that the blue moon of July 31 was not blue, but "white as all the other stupid white full moons" and that yes, he was "pissed." NASA has confirmed that Kev's cellphone number is now blocked and when asked if he had any further comments, Duncan "Kev" Calburn simply said: "Yo" [bye].

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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