Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Saturday, 2 December 2006

image for George Bush Recruits Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan for Iraq "Beaver Patrol"
Our beavers are 100% American and totally patriotic and they will get the job done. There will be NO premature withdrawal.

WASHINGTON (AP)-- Desperate to stop the Iraqi civil war and to beef up the morale of US troops, President Bush has recruited Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to take part in a "beaver patrol" of that war-torn country.

"Those gals will help calm down the Iraqi civil war by distracting the warring factions in that oil-rich American province," said Bush.

"How can the Sunnis and the Shiites kill each other when they are watching all that super beaver on Iraqi TV." he asked reporters at a White House news conference. "They will also entertain our troops by showing them some all-American bush direct from home."

The threesome signed contracts with the Pentagon to do a complete tour of army bases and oil pipelines in a major USO-style operation.

They will wear special bullet-proof Kevlar uniforms that "leave little to the imagination" indicated Pentagon spokesman General Bull Buntline.

"The Beaver Patrol will help American troops steal even more Iraqi oil for our SUVs and monster homes here in the good old USA," he added. "This is the American way."

The three girls issued a statement that "Our beavers are 100% American and totally patriotic and they will get the job done. There will be NO premature withdrawal."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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