Written by Dick Sheerer
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Sunday, 26 July 2015

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Son Teaches Parents Lesson

Ted Peters, the school counselor at Saint Zeke's Elementary School near Squaresville, Missouri had a hunch that something was amiss. The school board administration warned faculty and staff members to be on high alert for suspicious-looking students who may have the potential to carry out a violent act of any kind. But he knew damn well that any student could be a killer under certain circumstances, no matter how harmless they may appear to be most of the time.

Such was the case with 2nd grader Adam Hunter, a seemingly normal kid with innocent eyes and a kind smile -- unlike his fellow students with their shifty eyes and shit-eating grins. Adam was a well-bred lad from an average family with puritan values. His wholesome disposition and chaste virtue was in stark contrast to his trailer trash pals, most of whom were already master masturbators, and a few were even immersed in bestiality and incest. But no one ever expected Adam's naïveté to be his downfall.

It was around lunchtime on Tuesday, March 9th 2013, when students were hobnobbing in the schoolyard and frolicking in the playground, Mr. Peters observed a distinct change in Adam's demeanor. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he had a visceral tension gnawing at his gut. Although Adam was basically a good boy, he could be susceptible to the negative influence of the others. As student counselor it was Peter's job to detect emerging issues affecting the academic life of each pupil. In Hunter's case he knew something was wrong on this day. But it wouldn't be until the following day that he found out what it was.

Exhibiting the typical behavior of a 7 year old child, the young man was understandably perturbed by the extreme resentment he had for the betrayal he felt when he learned from a schoolmate that, contrary to his parents' unforgivable lies, there was in fact no Santa Claus, or Tooth Fairy, and not even an Easter Bunny after all. Such mythical fantasies were nothing more than characters from a fairy tale. Hearing this news felt like a knife in his heart. Those he loved the most deceived him. His mom and dad had now become evil incarnate. They hoodwinked and bamboozled him like a fool. He was livid and now he wanted justice.

Fuming with contempt, he ran home and confronted his parents with his new-found knowledge, expecting them to be sympathetic to his loss of trust and sensitive to his tender emotions. But instead they just laughed in his face and told him to quit whining and grow up. Their response only added insult to injury. Mere words could never describe the incomprehensible wrath and belligerence that arose from their response.

So he lashed out in a fit of rage, grabbed his dad's M-16 assault rifle from the gun rack, and chased his quarry around the house running from floor to floor, door to door, trying to choose the best place to kill them. At first he thought the bathroom was ideal for a bloodbath. But as he continued to pursuit the targets he thought more about how their cruel lies hurt him.

Then it became increasingly obvious that the most appropriate location for them to die would be in the living room. That way they could experience the irony and poetic justice much more painfully -- and vengeance would finally be his. So he stalked his prey into that so-called 'living' room where he took aim as they begged for mercy.

But their time had run out. Their son then emptied the clip spraying them with bullets until both his mother and father were completely dead. And Adam Hunter felt totally satisfied. Little did the kid know at the time that the nosey next door neighbor was peering through the window and using the video camera app on her smartphone to record the massacre. Much to his chagrin, the police soon arrived and took him into custody -- prior to their 10 o'clock donut break, of course. Police have their priorities.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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