Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 9 July 2015

image for Anaconda serpentologists cast hex against Islamic Snake
Take that you horrible Jihadis

Anaconda, Montana - Ministers at the First Anaconda Pentecostal Church of the Serpent-in-the-Garden are taking up arms against Jihadi terror by casting a hex against Islamic Snake.

This evening local Snake-in-the-Grass TV News reported that charismatic serpent-handling temple elders held a moonlit 24 hour vigil quoting Luke 10:19, 'Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and smite the venom of filthy Jihad.'

Using the temple's consecrated and monogrammed steel bolt-cutters a pair of Northern Pacific Speckle-back Rattlesnakes were then ritually sacrificed by Pastor Python before being tossed into an open bonfire just as the waxing moon made a potent conjunction with meteors from the Serpentarius Constellation.

The reverberations in the ether could be felt as far away as outer space.

Commenting on the night's hocus-pocus a spokesperson from the Syrian branch of Islamic Snake said, 'WTF?' to reporters before cosying up to a nice plump female boa constrictor.

Pastor Vivian Viper is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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