Written by Erin leMaine
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Topics: Ozzy Osbourne, Flag

Saturday, 29 November 2003

image for Is The US Flag Satanistic?
The US Flag in All its Disgusting Glory

Yes, it is true. Our beloved American flag, which has been gazed lovingly upon by many a patriotic American, is indeed a complex pattern incorporating more Satanistic symbols than the T-shirts worn by six hundred and sixty-six crazed Ozzy Osbourne fans prancing gleefully into the deepest pits of hell.

After close inspection of the flag, in a study done by certain professionals who wish to remain anonymous due to the controversial nature of their findings, it was discovered that many features of the American flag were Satanistic in nature.

Let us begin with the stars found in the upper left hand corner of the US flag. These are not innocent four-pointed stars such as the one seen above Jesus' manger, or holy six-pointed stars of David. No. They are five-pointed stars of the sort used only by the Devil and his evil friends.

They are white upon a blue background -- truly chaste-seeming to the average observer. But if one looks more closely, one may realize that the complimentary color of blue is orange, and the opposite of white is black. Black and orange. The colors of the most Satanistic holiday ever conceived: Halloween.

Not one, not two, but fifty of these monstrosities are to be found on the American flag.

Let us next consider the stripes which cover the rest of the bit of cloth we unknowingly allow to represent our country.

There are thirteen of them. Thirteen. The number so unlucky that many successful hotels number floors one through twelve, then spontaneously skip to fourteen.

But the number goes beyond such a petty amount of bad luck as the number thirteen. If one were to multiply it by the number of stars (fifty), then add the number of white stripes (six), add to that the three branches of the government, then the number of red stripes (seven), one would end up with an even more interesting number.


Suddenly this bit of cloth's cult-like following doesn't seem so angelic, now does it?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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