Written by Martin Jaeger
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Topics: Army, Soldier

Thursday, 18 June 2015

At last we caught a break and one of our military devices worked.

As you know, many of our drone operators have become neurotic from the stress of operating drones and wacking the enemy. We find a lot of these drone pilots (or droners, as we call them) are calling in sick, or oversleeping, or giving some other pansy excuse about not being able to fly a drone.

We have missions to fly, people to kill, and we aren't going to be thrown off our schedule by some wimp who won't pull the trigger. I know dozens of people that would love to pilot a drone and kill some of them ISIS or Al Qaeda or maybe vent in general.

So we developed a super drone that will fly a drone. We eliminate the human factor. Get rid of that emotional stuff. I tell you the next time I hear someone say, "I can't blow up that vehicle with all those innocent civilians," I'm going to puke.

These super drones just ride alongside the regular drones. They got a camera in the nose with lots of pictures in memory, and if it sees anyone out there that looks like the picture, it tells the drone to fire. Unfortunately there are some old pictures we'll eliminate in the next model, like Nero, Genghis Khan, Stalin, etc., We're learning.

So we are sending, as you say in the commercial world, lot's of pink slips. They'll be a lot of droners getting new jobs, like putting pegs in the ground for tents, or digging trenches, or guarding the latrines in the barracks.

La Vilardi Ordinance Center,
Someplace in the United States (maybe)

Sgt. Filmore Green, reporting

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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