Written by Paul Blake
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Topics: Reality TV, Cats

Saturday, 13 June 2015

image for 'What Would You Do?' TV Show In Trouble With Animal Rights Group
One of these kittens got fucking wasted on TV.

New York, NY - ABC's hit television show, 'What Would You Do?' has enjoyed years of ratings success by setting up awkward hidden-camera scenes in public, to see how the masses of humanity would react. Usually, the show likes to shed light on bullying or dirty business practices, but in one of their latest episodes, they seem to have touched a nerve with the animal rights folks.

The episode in question, places three teenage boys on the streets of New York, trying to pour beer down a kitten's throat, while waiting to see if any New Yorkers that happened to be walking by, would try to stop them.

"Not one person tried to stop the teens from pouring a Coors Light Tall Boy down the little orange and white stripped kitty's throat," explained Zoe Loveclaw, animal rights director from New York City's lower east side office. "But, this doesn't surprise me at all. Our problem lies with the producer's of the show, who thought this was a good idea."

Indeed, by the end of the episode, after absolutely no New Yorkers, not one, had even tried to intervene on the kitten's behalf, the furry feline appeared completely wasted, stumbling around the curbside on 5th Avenue and nearly falling down a steaming sewer grate.

"Yeah, we may have crossed the line on that one," admitted a super busy Amanda Bloodbath, an associate assistant executive producer on the show. "But it's getting harder and harder to come up with ideas for the show," she admitted between furiously firing off texts and tweets about this friday's newest episode. It seems that from all the backlash, they have had to cut back on their animal related stories, and now Miss Bloodbath had her hands full, trying to come up with a quick alternative to this week's episode - a family of bunnies living on the subway train tracks at the Broadway Station. "Yeah, they'll probably get right up our asses about that one too!" admitted Bloodbath, who thought they'd probably have to go back to one of their usual story lines. "God - I guess it's back to sheisty oil-change guys and pushing old ladies down a flight of stairs," shrugged the exhausted producer. "The drunk kitten episode got shitty ratings anyway."

With a little bit of good news regarding the kitten episode though, our intrepid producer did tell us that a old Chinese man did offer to give the cat a good home at the end of the episode, placing him in a nice burlap sack and hobbling off down the road.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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