Written by Martin Jaeger
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Topics: Pope, church, Bishop

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Today, the pope created a new tribunal to judge the judges' in the old tribunal, who judged bishops accused of sheltering priests' abusive conduct in child sexual abuse cases.

Msgr. Ignacio Colderanoni, was named chief judge over the objection of the bishops accused of molesting children.

Bishop Foderini Mononio, an accused abuse-priest-coverer-up,stated, "How are we going to have a fair trial. Colderanoni is too straight."

Bishop Mercurio L'pasta, accused of molesting three boys, and two bishops, complained that, their actions had been covered up once, and that should be enough. "Haven't they heard about double jeopardy?"

The pope, according to his secretary, pontificated that the "tribunal will deal with the backlog of cases involving sexual abuse promptly. Of course prayers come first, and we expect them at vespers, morning and afternoon mass and Passover."

The pope looked to the east, praying for the sun to rise, miraculously. "Some," he said to a reporter from the 'Vatican Va cum,' "think this panel won't make a difference, and they're right. But we have to go through the motions."

The pope looked to the west and prayed the sun should set in the west. He looked up and said to the reporter. "Try as I can, I can't overcome my accursed penchant for forgiveness."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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