Written by Paul Blake
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Tuesday, 9 June 2015

image for Math Whiz Nash Should Have Known The End Was Near
Could simple math have saved Nash's life?

Boston, MA - Rhode Scholars and fellow mathematician dorks around the globe, all agree that Professor John Nash, the Nobel Prize winning math genius, and subject of the Oscar winning film, 'A Beautiful Mind,' should have easily figured out that he was very close to taking his last taxi-cab ride on the streets of New York City.

"It's pretty simple math really," explained Prof. Stephen Hawkings, who has also won the Nobel and had a movie made about his life, too. "You just take the number of cab rides in New York on any given day, and divide it by the number of taxi rides you have personally taken in the city, and then multiply it by the number of crazy-ass foreigners driving the cabs, and voila, there it is! He should have been able to do this while taking a crap at the restaurant before the crash happened. It's really simple math and i'm surprised, and somewhat disappointed, that he didn't figure it out in time."

Still, other geniuses believe that Dr. Nash had actually calculated the imminent odds of his cab riding days, and that he was just really sick of his nagging wife telling him that you can't predict such things. "Yeah, they'd bicker incessantly about shit like this," said a close personal friend of the couple. "I think old John was just trying to prove the bitch wrong - the hard way," told our source. "He knew exactly what he was doing. I'll bet he could have probably told you the exact intersection that the crash was going to happen on, and calculated to within a .00001 percent standard deviation that this was for sure going to shut the damn bitch up."

No word yet if Dr. John Nash will receive a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize for coming up with a neat new way of solving marital relationship problems.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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