Written by bigd
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Friday, 1 December 2006

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'Civil war' does not exist

The White House has written a critical letter to Oxford University (authors of the Oxford dictionary) demanding the immediate removal of the phrase 'civil war' from all their editions and texts. A copy of the letter has also been sent to Cambridge University.

The White House spokesperson explained the reasons for targeting the two elite universities. "We feel the terminology has lost its purpose in modern English, and we feel it is being abused by terrorists around the world to make us look bad, so as English was developed in England and the two universities are considered to be the de facto editors of English; hence their legitimate authority to expunge the phrase 'civil war' from the English vocabulary", said the White House spokesperson.

President Bush was not available for comment as he is currently in Iraq celebrating with the Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki and his people on an occasion organised by leaders of the Sunni and Shi'a sects in Iraq - marking years of peace the country has enjoyed since the American invasion there 3 years ago. Speaking at the function in Baghdad, Shi'a cleric Muqtada al-Sadr thanked President Bush personally by shaking his hand, embracing him, kissing him on both cheeks as is customary in Arabic tradition and praising him for liberating Iraq. He further expressed his gratitude to President Bush for occupying his country.

President Bush's closing speech at the ceremony said, "Today Iraq is in peace and not a single life is lost to terrorism, because a 'civil war' does not exist in Iraq".

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