Written by Martin Jaeger
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Wednesday, 3 June 2015

There I was minding my own business, visiting at the Museum of the Peoples Republic, and while I was looking over a pair of rare FooManChu chop sticks, I was grabbed from and anesthetized by a whiff of Olong Tea.

I awoke, groggy, my hands tied, my head ringing.

"You," a sinister man in a khaki uniform with a pointed hat like George Washington wore, said, "have to come clean. Otherwise you will have a Kafka experience."

I regained my composure, and staccato-like began talking about the Great Loboski followed by a recitation of some of the dialogue from Barton Fink, the part where Barton----"

In the middle of Barton---, I felt someone thrusting egg drop soup down my gullet with hot mustard. I began choking. But it tasted good.

"Do you want to talk now, American swine."

I didn't know what they were talking about. A year ago Ihad put a mustache on the Premier's picture. They were probably upset because the Premier was a woman.

Then they released my hands, and put an iPhone 5 in my hands and forced me to play scrabble on it. I couldn't stand it, I was so used to an iPhone 6, and freaked out. They also made me robo-call asking people if they needed any solar-panels.

They also put a clothes pin on my penis so that after 6 hours my bladder was ready to explode.

In the end, I turned over the plans to the new neutron-bomb, the Higgs boson bazooka, and the place where I hide my chocolate covered raisins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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