Written by Martin Jaeger
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Topics: NSA

Monday, 1 June 2015

Today the NSA has been stopped in its tracks, no longer able to bulk collect phone data. Some citizens were happy with this decision, but not Col. Biff Trotter, who lambasted the Senate and everybody else.

"Damn that Rand Paul," Col. Trotter said, "or Paul Rand, or whatever the hell his name is."

Col. Trotter, (Full bird colonel) was speaking from the Lincoln Monument, where he addressed a crowd of half naked supporters. They had thrown off their T-shirts, which said, "Free Speech is for Wimps," in protest.

"Now everyone is free to tell those filthy jokes which are so titillating, even though I don't get them all."

He paused a moment for the crowd noise to subside.

"Now everyone is free to talk about the Constitution, and say things against the 2nd amendment and carrying bazookas."

In anger, the crowd started undressing.

"And," the Colonel said, "those women, can talk about dirty things like abortions, and pills, and God knows what else."

The crowd, now unruly, began throwing their clothes at each other.

"If," Col. Trotter said, "you don't cut this out, I'll have to arrest you for being unruly. I'll have to make a citizen's arrest. They may have stopped this phone call baloney, but they didn't take my Constitutional rights to restore peace and order, and those kinds of things."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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