Written by Paul Blake
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Tuesday, 9 June 2015

image for LAPD Prepared With 500 Mile Roll of Yellow 'Police Line - Do Not Cross' Tape
l.A's new welcome signs are a last ditch effort.

Los Angeles, CA - Police Chief for the LAPD, Billy Clubemhard, said that they were nearly done rolling up a massive 500 mile roll of 'POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS' tape, for when Los Angeles inevitably becomes a giant cesspool of squalor so uninhabitable that the entire metropolitan area has to be cordoned off from the public.

Sheriff Clubemhard explains, "The giant roll now sits snuggly beside the 'Hollywood' sign, and we are hoping that when we have finally deemed that Los Angeles is a bad enough hellhole that human beings really shouldn't be living here anymore, the tape roll will be released, where city engineers have calculated that the giant yellow caution tape should just roll itself right around the perimeter of the city, ending at the ocean to the south. After that, we just start shootin' until she's all good and empty." said a blank-faced Sheriff Clubemhard.

L.A. Officials won't say exactly when they might finally deem that their city is beyond repair, but one senior city official, who wanted to remain anonymous, for fear he was breaking the 'If you don't have anything nice to say... don't say anything at all' L.A. City Hall employee ordinance. "I don't think we are very far from the end. We are dead last in every single living standard. Most people in this hellhole spend more time getting to and from a crappy job that pays less than their shitty apartment, which, by the way, is about to run out of water! Yeah, I'd say we are gonna see that tape rollin' real soon. And my advice, is for everyone, ( but especially the blacks,) to get out of dodge before ole Billy is done loading his AK-47's and firing up his MRAP armored vehicle."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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