Written by Martin Jaeger
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Topics: Federal Reserve

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Chairperson Yellen of the Federal Reserve has again played it close to the vest.

Fearful of raising rates, she said, "Because it could cause an unintended glitch in the economy, I'm passing at this time."

"Are you," reporter Wilma Terman asked, "afraid that if you don't raise rates it can cause a glitch in the economy?"

Yellen looked into her beige book, scribbled a few notes,and said, "Yes, there is that possibility." She took off her glasses and cleaned them. "If I can tell you something, between you and me, then it's I don't know what to do about interest rates, and no one else does. I've got people telling me to raise them and those telling me to lower them."

"You," Terman said, "are in one hell of a pickel."

"I guess you can say that. But the truth is I have lots of indicators to look at, and it's lots of fun. Charts. Barometers. Statistics. Also I get to talk to a lot of confused economists. Boy can they talk nonsense."

"Well, good luck," Terman said, "Chairperson Yellen."

"Thanks," she said wistfully. "I'm off to find some wind. This guy told me to put my finger in the wind."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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