Written by Moose
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Topics: Bears

Friday, 22 May 2015

image for White Man Kills Unarmed Black Bear

ANCHORAGE, AK - An unarmed black bear was fatally shot after it threatened a white homeowner and his white dog.

At 1:36 p.m. Saturday, the Anchorage Police Department was notified that a large, tattooed, male black bear, wearing a hoodie and sagging pants was shot at a residence on Honkey Tonk Road.

The homeowner told police he saw the black bear on his front porch and tried to scare it off by playing Barry Manilow music loudly. This caused the bear to leave the porch but not the property.

A few moments later, the man heard his dog begin to bark. The homeowner noticed the bear was approaching the dog and went outside to try to scare the bear away again. When the bear then growled at the homeowner, the man shot and killed the bear.

Black bears across Anchorage immediately began defecating in their own caves.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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