Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Friday, 15 May 2015

image for Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas
"Two four six eight! Obamacare is what we hate!"

DALLAS, TX--Gov. Greg Abbott, fearing an invasion by the federal government this week, called in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to ward off what many in the Loon Star State believe is an invasion designed to take over Texas and force all of its uninsured citizens to receive coverage by Obamacare and convert to Islam.

The cheerleaders, dressed in their stunning blue and white uniforms, are said to be fully prepared for duty, having trained regularly for the last three years in gymnastics and difficult cheerleading stunts like the Cupie and the Leapin' Lora, among others.

Said Gov. Abbott, "All told, I'd say these girls are in a lot better shape than some of these guys who volunteer to play in the desert twice a year. And they're a sight better to look at, too!"

The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, thirty-six in all, are being called in while the Texas National Guard is helping to clean up areas of the Loon Star State that have been devastated by recent tornadoes which, according to Pete Sessions, a member of the Tea Party Caucus in Congress, were almost certainly precipitated by "big government's unwarranted intrusion into the lives of God-fearing Texans!"

Said Breelan, one the cheerleaders defending Texas, "We are here to defend our proud state against Barack Hussein Obama and his attempt to set up Sharia Law, through the forced imposition of Obamacare, right here in the heart of Texas. If I have to, I will give life and limb in defense of our great state!" Breelan then broke into a cheer: "Two four six eight! Obamacare is what we hate!"

Secretary of Defense Ash Carter, who was in Texas recently to attend a fundraiser in Austin devoted to raising the collective IQ of Texans, was asked about the imminent invasion by a reporter from the Dallas Morning News. Carter simply shook his head, chuckled, and rolled his eyes.

After the Texas National Guard is through helping residents of Texas clean up from the recent tornadic weather caused by Barack Obama, they are hoping to be called in to monitor the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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