Written by Harry Klondike
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Saturday, 25 April 2015

image for Woman Looses Breast Implant In Vacuum Cleaner Mishap

Spartanburg, SC: A bag-less upright is bag-less no more. On Friday a woman was convalescing from a breast augmentation when a tragedy occurred. Around 1:15 PM police and medical personnel were dispatched to the home of a hysterical husband.

Lt. Bryant said "we thought there was some sort of domestic dispute. The 911 operator thought the man might be on narcotics because he kept screaming "my wife's titties got caught in the vacuum".

Mrs. Thompson, the one who lost only her right implant (not both) said; "My idiot husband wanted to do some house cleaning for me. I finally said okay and he gets the vacuum out. He had the dust wand attachment and was vacuuming the side board of the bed. Then the asshole bends over to click the foot switch and the wand went towards my bosoms. Next thing I know my nightgown disappears, then the bandage on my right breast- suddenly a high pitched squealing sound and voomp! My right tit just collapsed!!! It all happened so quickly! Neither of us could believe it!"

The woman considered suing the vacuum cleaner manufacture, but couldn't afford an attorney. She and her husband, while grateful no one died, are despondent over the lopsided appearance of her bust line. They are currently accepting donation through an online account to replace the implant that was sucked out. Mr. Thompson said sheepishly, "People notice the difference- the left one is a DD and the right one is a B. I want people to look at my wife because they think she's sexy not because they think she's a freak!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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