Written by Cool Papa Bell
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Thursday, 19 March 2015

WASHINGTON -- Republican leaders are engaging in a bit of their own "March Madness" in criticizing President Obama for picking the number one ranked and undefeated Kentucky Wildcats to win the NCAA men's basketball championship instead of GOP favorite Israel.

"First, the president boycotted (Israeli) Prime Minister Netanyahu's appearance before Congress, now he's ignoring the mad dribbling and set shot skills of the future jewelers and accountants of the nation of Israel," said House Speaker John Boehner during a segment on Fox News Bourbon Chaser Lunch.

Boehner, who selected Israel to beat Iran decisively ("it won't even be close, especially if we arm Israel") in the title game, said America supports its ally in defending itself against nuclear threats and defending itself against 7 foot tall McDonald's All-Americans on the basketball court.

Boehner said he's not sure what message President Obama is sending by going on ESPN and making his tournament picks, which make no mention of Israel whatsoever.

"Sometimes we have to make concessions, but the president steadfastly refuses to compromise, even when it comes to giving some props to Israel basketball for having some of the brightest 5 foot, 7 inch power forwards in the world," he said.

The speaker also is concerned that the president has some vested interest in selecting the Wildcats.

"I've heard that after he leaves the White House, Mr. Obama plans to become the first ex-president turned sports agent, and will represent these Kentucky kids when they go to the NBA."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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