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Thursday, 12 March 2015

General Craig Filner made public Monday that the US has weighed its options, and has decided it will be sending forces into the Bahamas in the coming days.

The military act is believed to be in response to the Vladimir Putin decision of sending Russian troops into Ukraine.

"Once we saw Russia invade another country, we knew we had to mobilize as well. We wanted to pick a place that was close to home, has little to no military, is no threat to us, and has nice beaches and ocean resorts" said Filner.

While American forces will not be staying in the resorts, he said, luckily they will still have access to the pool and spa at a daily group rate.

"It really was less about establishing a presence in the Bahamas and more about showing Russia and the World that we can invade wherever we want whenever we want" commented Filner.

The plan is for US forces to take over the only military base in the Bahamas, which is usually left unguarded. This operation is expected to be completed within minutes of arrival.

According to Filner, the rest of the deployment will consist of "riding some waves and catching up on some 'me' time".

Filner and his aides expressed that they were really looking forward to the start of the second cold war, then started singing "If You Like Pina Coladas" and laughing about how it won't be a "cold" war in the Bahamas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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