Written by Mr. Bawsaq
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Saturday, 7 March 2015

Ah, yes. Elections. The only thing more American than that is a morbidly obese 40 year old drunk man carrying an assault rifle; yelling at immigrants. Boy, we really let our forefathers down.

Around 65 people are potential candidates for president but one of them sticks out farther your belly, fatso. John Nallion, the up-and-comer for president is convinced he will be elected president. We spoke to him and here's what he had to say.

"There are tons of things and stuff that set me apart from the others. For one, I openly admit that I hate minorities, liberals, poor people, immigrants, gays, and the crippled. God, I hate the crippled. I plan to spend taxpayer money entirely on myself and not on libraries, schools, or the general welfare. Because entitlement! Most times, you would elect someone and then later say "god, he's an asshole". Right from the get-go, you know I'll be a total dick. I'll just say I'm conservative, that'll get me a third of the votes. Vote John Nallion for president! Lets expand our finical shithole to the world!" -John Nallion.

With that being said, I'm moving to Canada or Europe; Whichever one legalized marijuana.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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