Washington AC/DC - All hell broke loose in the White House this morning after someone ejaculated over Barack Obama's cupcake turning the candy sprinkles green.
Secret service detectives immediately quarantined the foaming confection in case Plutonium 210 was involved or, worse still, fraternal DNA.
This is not the first time ejaculation has been openly used against the Prez.
During his 2011 State of the Union Obama reached for one of his pristine, monogrammed linen hankies only to find slime-trails had got there first.
Then a handshake in Bloodyvostock with Vladimir Putin left the President strangely agog as something warm and wet slithered down his itchy palm...
But whaddahell, that's what the POTUS is paid to do.