BILLINGSGATE POST: Can you imagine how many more mortal dispatches the legendary American Sniper would have made if only he had been outfitted with an authentic Dr. Billingsgate Modified SEAL Enemy Dispatch Kit? With its night vision goggles, the World War I canvas flying cap with the optional tweety-bird-target-spotter attachment, along with the baby elephant trunk disguise to allow closer contact with target; no telling how many more dispatchees the American Sniper might have facilitated in their ignoble quest for 72 virgins.
By no means do I want to put this story on the same footing as Deflategate. But can you imagine Tom Brady or Coach Belichick messing with those footballs if they were being guarded by a sniper with the gravitas of a man or woman suited-up in the American Sniper Casual Hunting Outfit With Modified SEAL Enemy Dispatch Kit? YOU CAN"T BE SERIOUS!
President Obama still cannot find his birth certificate. The outrage over the deflated footballs flares on with no respite. In time and space, however, these incidents are insignificant in the continuum of existential tomfoolery. For a limited time only can you purchase the American Sniper Casual Hunting Outfit.
All this for $199.00 including S&H. The first 100 orders will include the optional tweety-bird-target-spotter attachment (as shown in picture) at no extra charge.
* McMillan TAC-338A rifle not included.