BILLINGSGATE POST: Dr. Billingsgate, citing the dearth of leadership in the Republican Party, revealed that he recently had a baby elephant trunk grafted to his own snout to prove that he was a true Republican. Knowing that this might infuriate some trunk huggers, he said that he has been on the trunk donor list for over two years with the San Diego Zoo. The baby elephant source died at birth, and it was his mother's wish that his trunk be donated to Dr. Billingsgate.
As most Americans, Dr. Billingsgate is sick and tired of the same old retreads and apostates who are sending signals that they are running for President in 2016. With his implausible number of 13 doctorates peppering his trophy wall, Billingsgate's credentials are impeccable. Although supposed candidates, Ben Carson and Rand Paul are Physicians, their own credentials seem ridiculously meager when compared to those of Dr. Billingsgate.
Consider some of the other candidates, such as, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush and Sarah Palin. Are you serious? As a practicing Taxidermist who performed countless boob-jobs and nose reductions on Hollywood stars, it would even tax my amazing ability to make one viable candidate out of parts of the three of them.
Before traveling to Iowa this Fall to chew the fat with those farmers and hay-shakers, I plan on putting together a Super Pac to raise some cash. I am currently looking for someone to run my campaign.
Please respond if your are interested in joining in my campaign TO TAKE BACK AMERICA!