Written by dave nelson
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Research, FOX News

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Following 40 years of analyzing viewer data, Dr. Moishe Pipick, the man in charge of Demographic and Psychographic Analysis and Research at the prestigious Berne Institute, announced today that his team has never seen such dysfunction isolated to one particular segment of the news and information viewing audience - that is the Fox News audience!

Here are some of the report's headline results:

IQ levels 20-40% below normal
Ave.BMI (body mass indexes) 40 -60% above average
alcohol and drug abuse off the chart!
Education levels 20-35% below mean average
Reading and Math proficiency up to 70% below average
Significant Predisposition to anger intolerance bigotry and racism and with an unusually strong component of conspiratorial thinking.

Dr. Pipick said: "These stats are just the tip of the dysfunction Iceberg! As we dig deeper in to the raw data there is an alarming psycho-graphic portrait emerging of a large segment of The American population with an innate predisposition to absurdity (most likely a result of early childhood religious indoctrination) which has been targeted and exploited by a politically motivated media outlet -The Fox news network which serves the interests of rich and powerful Conservatives.

'We have not seen such an effective propaganda machine working to control the ignorant masses since the early cold war Soviet Union and before that to Goebell's propaganda machine in Nazi Germany!"

The Fox News genius who created this network to keep the mindless masses from recognizing who is REALLY screwing them (colloquially speaking that is) is one Roger Ailes who was a key operative in the Reagan administration and with Rupert Murdochs resources they have really altered the political spectrum in America and diminished any chance for real social reform and progress!"

"It's really quite a brilliant enterprise!" said DR. Pipick, "and especially when you see how their news anchors and commentators have been selected to mirror the same mental acuity of their audience while having the physicality of Reality Show personalities which their audience can totally relate to!"

He concluded: "The rabble have been awakened and sent on a mission to serve the same people who use them like Farm Animals"

Make dave nelson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 4?

8 13 5 16
63 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more