Written by Auntie Matter
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Wednesday, 7 January 2015

image for A Billion Bucks Not Enough!
Paddy at his Trailer

American oil billionaire Harold Hamm offered to settle his bitter divorce battle with his ex-wife by having a hand-written cheque for $1.2 billion delivered to her lawyers,... which she refused. In a November ruling last year Mr. Hamm was ordered by a Oklahoma County judge to pay up. Ms.Sue Ann says it is not enough.

Asked for a response, Paddy O'Flynn currently living in a disused cargo trailer on the banks of the Thames in London told this reporter:

"I am happier than both. No worries, no commitments and no responsibilities.... and... here's the fun bit... after a life of dire hardship I, at last, know who I am. I get soup from the Salvation Army kitchen whenever I need it, listen to the radio when the fancy takes me and enjoy reading my beloved books by lamplight all tucked up warm in my sleeping bag.

"May they all get to spend a week in heaven before the devil finds out they are dead. For dead is what they certainly are and no amount of money on God's pure earth is going to bring them back to life.

"I would be more than happy with one billionth of what Missus Hamm was offered... for a cup of coffee. Now, if you would close the door on your way out, I'd be obliged."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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