Written by Michael Egan
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Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Ferguson MO--Thousands of white South Africans described as 'Mandela refugees' are flooding across America's southern borders in search of a new apartheid state. Authorities in Texas, Missouri and Arizona say that they are welcome and will be quickly settled.

"These are our brothers, man," said Limp Dickswell, mayor of Pothole, TX. "It's not like they're six-year old Mexican drug mules with cantaloupes for thighs.

"They're our people, God-fearing folk who know how to run a white, segregated state. We look forward to learning from them."

Undocumented white South African immigrant Tiny Braincell said he was grateful for the U.S's current border policy because it meant that he and his family could stay.

"Everyone knows only Mexicans get deported," he said. "We're so white and Christian and racist we'll blend into the South like piss in a horse bucket. That's one of our quaint expressions. You won't even know we're there. I mean here.

"Besides," Tiny went on, "we Afrikaners have exactly the same history and attitudes as you, including centuries of slavery, institutional racism, denying the vote to the Blecks, as we call them, social segregation down the line and--the reason we're here now--persecution by the communists and liberals. We're a perfect match."

Tiny's wife Teenie chimed in: "We knew Dixie was the place for us as soon as we read in the papers that your cops are allowed to gun Blecks down in the street. It made us so nostalgic for Dr Verwoerd we couldn't not come."

"Yeah," said Tiny. "I wanna pack some heat, and soon. You never know when some bleck thug will play his car music too loud. Hey, there's a gun store."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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