Written by Michael Egan
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Thursday, 1 January 2015

We've all seen the gif--Ellen DeGeneres glancing guiltily over her shoulder again and again while the headline screams: "Cover Girl Drops Ellen! Ellen feels ashamed she lied to her fans for years. See the secret she hid so well! [arrow]."

Now Spoof investigative reporter Dick Scrotum can reveal that every one of these claims is entirely bogus! That's right! There is not a single word of truth in the entire ad!

The real liar is Dr Oz, who like his namesake finally emerges from behind all the smoke and mirrors to tout some kind of snake-oil skin routine which, he ludicrously claims, will make a woman of 55 look 25, just like Ellen. (There's the lie, folks! Big civil action coming.)

So ladies, if menopause has put a pause in your men, there's hope! Like the cowardly lion, etc., you just gotta believe. Says the kindly Wizard, looking intently beyond your crow's feet: "All old folks get wrinkles, but what you don't have is TWO skin creams, combined!" And then he says just send him ten bucks and eternal youth will be yours.

Unfortunately further research confirms that Ellen still works for Cover Girl and in fact receives a handsome emolument for the use of her name in the ad!

Shocked by these discoveries, reporter Dick Scrotum looked further into the ad's claims. The story it tells would do credit to a spoof news site--any suggestions? Ellen and her "lies" are quickly dropped--the ad is a classic bait-and-switch--and soon we are learning about a so-called "Brenda Davis," a 53-year old mother of three from New York.

She has to be fictional, because it turns out that this unfairly forgotten genius came up with the entire idea that is the foundation for the commercial line later endorsed by that real exploiter of women's fears, Dr Oz.

Brenda, it seems, once impulsively combined two proprietary skins creams in one application!

That's it. All the reader has to do is send the Wizard them ten bucks, only $9.98 really, for shipping. And then bingo! Like magic and Brenda and Ellen and all the photo-shopped images on the side you can lie successfully to your fans too. And you won't be sued neither.

Editor's Note: According to Scrotum, a second ad, "Oprah Lied!" leads the reader down the same yellow-brick road.

Make Michael Egan's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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