Fairies flying over Russian territory are being routinely treated as wicked witches and are being shot down. Vladimir Putin told our staff this morning, "I have given orders for any good fairies not transmitting good fairy international registration prefixes to be warned to turn back or be fired upon.
I have killed 29 good fairies so far this Pantomime season and I will kill as many as it takes to ensure the safety of our country is not compromised by wicked witches. There is a clear identifiction code system in place designed to prevent acts of terrorism by wicked witches.
Fairies must comply with the appropriate code of practice for their disposition type. Last year we had 24 incidences of poisoned apples and 52 cases of young ladies sleeping forever ater spinning wheel incidents. People are afraid to go out at night in the pantomime season".