BILLINGSGATE POST: Diane CIAnstein, the titular head of the California Communist Party, has been asked to step down from her post as United States Senator. In an effort suspected to be bankrolled by Orange County conservatives, possibly in conjunction with the CIA, thousands of car bumbers displaying IMPEACH Diane CIAnstein stickers, are appearing on the freeways in Southern California.
BILLINGSGATE POST crack reporter, Detrick "Dirty Tricks" Detwiler, reached out to the Langley, Virginia based spy center yesterday. Told that the CIA Counter Rat F..K Department was currently trying to infiltrate Senator CIAnstein's staff so that the Senator could be rehydrated surreptiously while cat-napping, Dirty Tricks asked if it were true that the CIA had her on its hit list.
Told that, "many covert operations are being discussed. However, it is premature for us to release any information that could possibly be traced back to the plant we have in the House Intelligence Committee."
Asked by the aforementioned crack reporter if the Agency had a bone to pick with CIAnstein, the operator suggested that, "anything and everything is on the table."
Detwiler: "Would that include waterboarding?"
"NO IT WOULD NOT!" That's what got us into trouble in the first place."
Detwiler: "Assuming that because President Obama approves of using drones to take out his perceived enemies without regard to collateral damage, would the CIA consider a drone attack on CIAnstein?"
"Only if we can limit the collateral damage to Senator Boxer and Governor Moonbeam."
Thank you for your service to our country.