Eager to take over the U.S. government as swiftly as possible after winning major seats in the Senate and Legislature, 'certain forces' within our system have called on a specialist to rid the organization of its 'lame duck' elements. Operating in secrecy, these individuals called in their ace in the sleeve for when things need to get messy- THE CHENEY.
A master at dealing with eliminating live and lame animals and, normally indirectly, people, THE CHENEY gladly takes on duties that include blasting things and even lawyers to kingdom come. Lame animals and lame people especially bring out the blood lust in the mysterious entity who has only occasionally been seen in the light of day over the last five years. It is rumored in hushed circles that he hibernates in an undisclosed location called THE LAIR that only a few know the location of, waiting for those times when he can be of influence again or in some way satisfy his abnormal lusts.
Given basic instructions by his secret contacts, THE CHENEY entered the Senate chambers armed to the teeth with NRA recommended instruments of mass destruction. Unfortunately for half the people there, THE CHENEY'S five years of minimal involvement with the political theater had diminished his mental condition leaving him with a form of dementia that did not distinguish between friend or foe. THE CHENEY blasted away at will, taking out many of his former colleagues in the fray. Screams, howls and moans soon filled the sacred governmental hall that was normally just filled with hot air.
The blood-lust and the mayhem soon overpowered whatever civility had still lurked within THE CHENEY'S breast. He then moved on the Legislature. The same shrieks soon sounded there.
Governmental police and Secret Service agents were called to the scene, but too late. THE CHENEY had now turned his attention and direction towards the White House. The joy of blood-red murder gleamed in his eyes. With deep regret the same men who had once served him loyally now had to shoot him down. He was within 60 paces of the home of the President when he bit the pavement. THE CHENEY collapsed to the sidewalk with the look of savage lust still on his face.
Speaking at a press conference the next day, President Obama expressed regret at the mass murder of his fellow Washington colleagues. "But, at least," he said, "his lack of discretion gave us back the majority!"
The NRA, astounded at the incredible loss of politicians they had in their pockets in the fray, have, historically and ironically, themselves called for a restriction on assault rifles.
Elsewhere Vladimir Putin applauded the incident.
Strange times indeed.
Dick Cheney, Obama, U.S. government, Republicans, NRA, weapons of mass destruction