Written by D P Whitehead
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Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Ferguson man Randy Burrows is reeling in shock this morning after discovering that his mother had failed to purchase milk to accompany his usual breakfast of cornflakes.

The 26 year old school janitor, who has yet to leave home, was visibly upset, as he was forced to eat his cereal 'dry'.

"I can't believe that she didn't buy milk. For the last twenty six years there has been milk in the refrigerator. Never a day has passed when there has not been milk and other fresh dairy products in our kitchen," said Randy, his bottom lip quivering and his voice full of emotion.

When asked why there was no fresh food in the house and to explain herself, Mrs Burrows, 60, replied "Well, the thing is, I couldn't get any groceries for Randy, because - oh dear, he must have forgotten, the stupid cunt helped burn down the grocery store last night...."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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