Washington DC - White House tarot readers are urging calling off Thursday's annual dinner after the No 16 Major Arcana card, Thanksgiving Day Bloodbath, appeared in the President's ten card spread.
The omen was enough to spook Michelle Obama into administering a macrobiotic organic vegan nut roast poultice to soothe her husband's, uh, fevered brow as news of widespread Ferguson-related rioting reached the couple's private quarters.
"Always works first time, heheh," the First Lady chuckled as aides compared the effects of her prophylactic dressing to putting a cloth over the macaw's cage at night.
Next door to the Presidential Bedchamber the couple's daughters Malia and Sasha were 'probably' safely tucked up in bed following a series of lectures from Grandma Marion Robinson about the evils of eloping to join the baying Ferguson mob.
Expect some damning astrological aspects to add to Thursday's unique vibes.