Written by Brandy Pasquino
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Topics: History, Time Travel

Saturday, 22 November 2014

image for Local area man says to hell with today, seize yesterday
"What's happened has happened already, but we can make it happen again," says Geoff.

Geoff Jacks of New York, NY is determined to squeeze every ounce of fun out of life, but is afraid to act on an opportunity when it comes. "Geoff has always been the kind of guy who is very hesitant to commit to plans, for fear of missing out on something else that he could be doing instead," says longtime friend Ralph. In an interview with Geoff, we learned that he has found a solution to his dilemma, which involves making plans in the past. In his words, we should all "say yes to [yes]terday."

"I learned that a party last Friday was fun, so I'm in the process of firming up plans to make it, Geoff told us in an interview. We were puzzled by Geoff's statement and when we asked for clarification, he simply said that "the weather on Friday was really nice, and that [he] wouldn't mind dancing the night away." We followed up with Ralph who indicated that he was also baffled, and has been unable to convince Geoff that such a reshuffling of plans is impossible. "He calls me every day to ask if we can have lunch yesterday, and is shocked when I decline," said Ralph.

At press time, we learned that Geoff is trying to buy tickets for the 2014 World Cup game in which the US beat Ghana 2-to-1, but has complained that he is having trouble finding sellers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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