Written by Timothy Trainrider
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Friday, 14 November 2014

image for Loner offended by new Starbucks promotion
Happybee drinking coffee during break

LAMETOWN, Pa. - James Shaverford, 28, was on Twitter this morning when he saw an offensive promoted tweet from Starbucks appear on his timeline. The promotion said, "Buy any holiday drink & get one free for a friend."

Shaverford, being a loner, broke into tears.

"I couldn't believe how inconsiderate they were," Shaverford said of the tweet. "Don't they realize that not everyone has a friend to share delicious beverages with?"

Local Starbucks barista Michelle Happybee, 33, understood Shaverford's concern.

"It's a tough world out there," she said. "I broke up with my boyfriend last night, so I know what it's like to be single. The past few hours have been brutal due to the promotion. It's like, I'm serving all of these happy customers who are buying one drink and getting a free one for someone else. It makes me feel so alone."

At press time, Shaverford mustered up the courage to buy himself a Peppermint Mocha. When Happybee asked Shaverford if he wanted a second one for a friend, Shaverford nodded and told her to enjoy the free drink.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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