Washington, DC-Republicans today announced that Social Security will be discontinued and the money saved used to build memorials to U.S. Presidents-coincidentally enough all Republican presidents. The memorials will include:
The Benjamin Harrison Protective Tariff Rainbow Bridge will lead to the Warren G. Harding Love Nest. It will feature a dome shaped like a teapot.
Spectacular views will be possible from the summit of the 1500 foot high Chester A. Arthur Memorial Toll Booth, including views of the Hooverville Tin Shack Display and the 50,000 square foot Rutherford & Lucy Hayes Lemonade Stand.
No one will want to miss the Richard Nixon Checkered Ping Pong Table Monument, made completely out of recycled recording tape. The memorial features a lot of water separated by gates.
The George W. Bush Memorial is a leaky Naval vessel floating precariously on a polluted pond, sporting a crooked Mission Impossible sign. Several million dollars were spent on the (invisible) simulated Weapons of Mass Destruction decorating the memorial. The monument to his father, the Cable Deregulation Pillar, commemorating the only bill passed during his administration, is nearby.
After they run out of Republican presidents, the plan is to then honor Republican Vice-Presidents, starting with Dan Qualye Potatoe Pavilion.