A shocking report has reached news desks throughout the country that many Republicans, especially those in great positions of responsibility, are hooked on Koch.
Koch, which first made it appearance in the 40's, has become more virulent in recent years. It is highly addictive and those who become hooked on it quickly develop selfish, anti-social behavior. Unlike heroin, meth or crack the user does not develop the degenerative physical attributes that readily mark the abuser as a junkie. Their physical appearance is not marred by heavy Koch usage, other than a common abundance of girth about the belly from too much fine wining and dining. Koch has become so famous now that many who have only heard of it in the media now go out seeking it for their own usage.
A huge, powerful family is apparently behind the advent of this upsurge of Koch abuse in this country. They have international ties, but, unlike most cartels, have their home base in the United States. Their influence and power reach deep into the economic structure of the country and have tendrils running deep in the pockets and psyches of our politicians as well. It is rumored that Koch even influenced a lot of the last Bush administration and that Vice President Cheney himself was a hopeless addict.
The main drive behind the Koch epidemic are two brothers, although there are other family members who act as lieutenants in the mammoth organization. They employ many millions of lackeys throughout the world to carry out their biddings. Even Washington politicians are known kapos.
Of all these, the most disturbing is that Mitch McConnell, the Senate Minority leader, appears to be not only a user of Koch, but a major pusher of the vileness. While seemingly a quiet, very conservative individual, sources have claimed him to be a major backer of Koch who has secretly introduced it to many of his colleagues. The majority of them are addicted as well.
"It is no surprise to me that McConnell would be pushing this sickness." states Minnesota Democratic Senator Al Franken."The Kentucky backwoods were he comes from are already rife with meth labs and stills, why not the evil of Koch as well? I have observed many upstanding Republicans change suddenly once they fell under the usurping influence of Koch. The signs are all there. One day they are All American men and women, then in no short time they are obsessed with greed, covering themselves with bling-bling, soliciting prostitutes with their insatiable lusts and spreading the disease to their other comrades. It is a viscous, downward spiral once one even begins with Koch. Often all it takes is one interaction."
Even more scary, there are as yet unsubstantiated reports that there are numerous Democratic politicians who are secretly abusing Koch as well. It causes the hair to turn grey just worrying about it.