Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: North Carolina

Monday, 27 October 2014

The Raleigh News and Observer is reporting today that thousands of people in the state have entered rehabs due to stress associated with the unending 24/7 political ads, mostly for the US Senate race between Democrat Senator Kay Hagan and conservative Thom Tillis, Speaker of the House of Representatives in North Carolina.

The Senate campaign, reportedly the most expensive in US history has filled the airwaves from morning until night. The N & O also states that tens of thousands of television sets have been seen at curb sides, in garbage dumps and thrown willy-nilly into the streets of the city and on to the thruways. First reports show the TV sets have been smashed, shot and burned beyond recognition. "Also, several thousand children have been sent to out of state foster homes due to the lack of mentally stable households here in North Carolina," states the N&O.

The ads have become so nasty, and vitriolic that the normally conservative Herald Sun in Durham recently published the following editorial:

"Thom Tillis: No nuance in the nasty!

Thom, your commercials against Kay Hagan and your depiction of President Obama in stark black and white leaves little to the imagination. They show the president looking like a crazed drug addict from the south side of Chicago. Sooo scary! You don't call Senator Hagan a "n" lover, that would be sooo politically incorrect---BUT…"wink-wink/Nod-Nod," we catch your drift Thom.

And Thom, it is really a stretch to tie Senator Hagan to ex-Mayor Bloomberg of NYC. NYC and North Carolina?? It would be too politically incorrect to use the words, "Kay Hagan is buddies with, New York City commie Jew Boy---but Thom, our Mommas didn't raise no stupid kids. "Wink-wink/Nod-Nod," we catch your drift!

You're doing great Thom! Not to worry. Even if you lose the election for the US Senate---you're a shoo-in for Grand Dragon!"

The GOP advertising agency, Ad Nauseam Inc., has leaked the final TV ad to the media. According to WRAL TV in Raleigh it shows a dark and shadowy picture of a hooded Kay Hagan in a Raleigh porn shop purchasing a full sized anatomically correct blow-up doll of President Barack Obama. The caption is: "North Carolina DOES NOT need this kind of feminine itch in the United States Senate!"

The Hagan campaign, in reply to the above, issued an irate response purchased on all electronic media and in every newspaper in the state. It reads:

"The Tillis campaign has now gone beyond the pale and offends every decent thinking individual in our state regardless of gender! We will not engage in such vitriol especially the sexual innuendos!
If the good people of our state want to pursue such vile and disgusting thoughts, they can do it on their own by going to:

Cross Dressers Dating.org and type in "Titillating Tilly Tillis--- Out of the and into the United States Senate---not on our watch Thom!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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