Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 17 October 2014

image for Roman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery
Says more about you than cash ever can, Mr Abramovich

New York - The Russian mobster was left red faced last night at trendy Upper East Side restaurant Kolestroll Klub when his credit card was declined after wolfing down a $5,000 slap-up meal.

Abramovich, 69, who never carries cash, was forced to pull out a few gold crowns from his back molars by way of payment despite offering to do the washing up in lieu of the bill.

An offer to give the Maitre d' a quickie 'behind the dispense bar' was turned down on good taste grounds amid widespread panic about foreigners spreading Ebola.

Kolestroll Klub, which opened last month to rave reviews, describes itself as serving American food with 'European influences' - a term which food writers insist does not mean 'bankrupt'.

Abramovich had earlier feasted on signature dishes of fried arroz negro squid pro quo with romesco crumb ($200) and newborn lamb ribs with charmoula, honey and escargot foam ($220) washed down by a bottle of Krug.

For his main course the Russian chomped his way through caviar-smothered lobster tails, lollo rosso salad with Vesusian crostini and chef's delicious aardvark jus. (WTF? - i'Ed')

For desert he ate a classic spotted dick with rhubarb sauce and peanut brittle bites.

His bankers at the Moscow's Fracking Bank of Oligarchiana are facing exile to Siberia for the credit card slight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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