Written by rimisaC
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Tuesday, 14 October 2014

A disturbing scene unfolded on the Los Angeles Metro Red Line Monday afternoon (Yes, L.A. actually does have mass transit), when an armless man began masturbating on the train in plain sight.

The incident, which occurred around 4:30 PM between the Universal City and North Hollywood stations, was for some reason, recorded by some witnesses on their smartphones.

"At first, I was just grossed out," said Ben Pradon of Sherman Oaks, CA. "But it was like a car-wreck, you just couldn't take your eyes off it."

L.A.P.D. arrested the armless masturbator at the North Hollywood station, but were unsure where to place the handcuffs on him.

Tony Ramos, one of the L.A.P.D officers who responded to the incident, said he has arrested one arm suspects in the past, but never a double-amputee. "We kind of just guided him to the squad car," explained Ramos. "All-in-all it was just very sticky situation."

Although most witnesses were disgusted by the incident, some felt different about the situation.

"Yeah, I'll admit, it was gross," said Sean Davis of Ventura, CA. "When I saw him trying to do it, though, I just felt really sad for him. Just watching him try to, but not being able to get a hold of his thing, just really made me think of the everyday things we take for granted."

When asked if he would have lent a hand or two to the armless masturbator, Davis replied: "Maybe if I was drunk enough."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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