Written by Keith Shirey
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Wednesday, 8 October 2014

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COALITION OF THE WILLING LOGO

As ISIS fighters seemed ready to take the town of Kobani on the Turkish border, Kurdish opposition said they were running out of ammunition.

"Gee, that's too bad," said U.S. Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hegel. " I guess President Obama's coalition of the willing has let them down.

When pressed by this reporter to explain why the U.S. hadn't sent ammunition to the Kurds, as well as tanks and artillery, to the heavily outgunned ISIS opponents Hegel said that he would appoint a commission to study the matter. "Of course that will take time."

When I said to the Defense Secretary that leading allies of the coalition that was supposed to defeat ISIS had all found ways to avoid commitments to Obama's expanded military campaign against the terrorists he gave a curious response.

"Well, Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, and others have their own fish to fry. Most of them need to keep their military at home in order to repress their people."

I asked the Secretary of Defense to explain Turkey's inaction so far to fight ISIS on its own borders. He responded, "As we speak, Turkey might come in. Of course they're demanding that the U.S. overthrow Syrian president "Chemical Poison" Assad as a pre-condition for Turks fighting on the ground. Obama won't do that."

He further said, "Of course Turkey, has channeled support to the Syrian "rebels", including ISIS. I sure hope they've stopped now."

When I asked what possible national interest the U.S. had for shedding blood and spending trillions in the Middle East, Secretary Hegel had no response except to say that "Some day scholars, numerous 'task forces,' and commissions will be interested in that question. Of course the U.S. treasury may be drained by then."

He concluded by saying, "I look forward to retirement."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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