Written by King David
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Topics: Christmas

Thursday, 23 November 2006

image for Father Guido Sarducci Will Sing Carols At Gated Communities Again This Year
Everyone hopes the turn out will be better than last year

LOS ANGELES- Father Guido Sarducci told reporters today that he would be singing Christmas carols again this year at Beverly Hills gated communities. The father's action continues a 23-year old tradition that was started at the introduction of his character on Saturday Night Live. When asked why the attention to the gated communities, the good Father said that someone needs to console the rich and spread holiday cheer to this crowd.

"This has beeeeen a tough year for the rich since the Republicans lost the elections," he told reporters. "And they have gotten lots of criticism for the war too. It's time that somebody shows them how to act compassionately," he said.

The Father went on to display great dissatisfaction with how the rich are treated in this country and said that it would not be on his watch that the wealthy did not feel the Christmas cheer.

"We spend so much time worrying about the poor during Christmas. What about the rich? They always get left out. They need love too," he told reporters.

For the past 23 years the Father has made it a tradition to sing Christmas carols at gated communities. "Crown Point, Canyon Ridge, River Landing, The Fobber-Knocker's Club," I've been to them all he said.

But critics accuse him of wasting his time, that he may as well be a ghost standing at the gate of those communities.

But to that accusation, the great Father says, "let us not forget the lessons from the past. It took three ghosts and a bad dream in Dickens's A Christmas Carol for Ebenezer Scrooge to change his mind about life. Never underestimate the power of ghosts, a shrill note on the violin, or little boys tucked beneath our robes," he told us. We're assuming that Scrooge's politics changed as well.

When asked what was the good Father's favorite Christmas carol, Sarducci told them unhesitantly that it was, "What Brown Child Is This."

"Do you want to hear?" he asked reporters and began singing.

What brown child is this, who climbed the fence,
Who crossed the river Rio Grande?
Whom pushers greet with blow and heat
While border patrol is sweeping

This, This is Julio
Whom border patrol is seeking
Haste, haste to bring him in
The babe, the son of Don Pedro!

Why walks he through the mean, tough street
Where guns and assholes meet him?
Good Pagans see for gangs are near
The silent screams are bleeding him
Bullets and knives shall pierce him through
The cops be called by me and you
Train! Train! Take the train
Until you no longer see lights from the city!

So bring him work and a clean place to rest
Stop trying so hard to own him
Good Julio your labor brings
A nation that doesn't support him
Raise, raise to pick the grapes
Forget about the piggy Americans
Take, Take back your land
It belonged to you in the first place

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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