Written by Auntie Jean
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Friday, 29 August 2014

image for Michelle Obama Denies Scraping Car Paintwork On White House Gates
Superficial damage

The first lady has denied scraping the paintwork of her husband's vintage Rolls-Royce on the White House gate while trying to avoid running over a pigeon yesterday.

Rumors that she applied eyeliner and nail color to disguise the damaged bodywork, before using a Wallmart home car body repair kit were strongly denied this morning. I did not do these things and the press photographs show me actually just removing pigeon droppings which were on the windshield and hood, honestly. I have had strong words with the gardeners, asking them to remove pigeons from the Presidential access gate areas. This is not Mary Poppins its the Goddam White House.

A local garage told our reporter that a black vintage Rolls-Royce car was having a long scratch repaired, but agreed with the First Lady's explanation that the damage was superficial and must have been there all the time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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