Written by D P Whitehead
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Topics: Republicans

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Ferguson mayor James Knowles has finally begun discussing with journalists several pending swimsuits he intends to purchase, putting an end to media speculation about his intentions.

"There's 22,000 residents in our community," Knowles told reporters yesterday. "My pending swimsuit purchase has affected everyone, especially African Americans, therefore it is time to stop speculation - I am going for "speedos" - XXXL."

Knowles, who was elected mayor of Ferguson with 49% of the vote at the age of 31-years old, lists his hobbies as eating, eating, cooking, eating and eating.

He is a republican, owns several firearms and is highly unlikely ever to hold any other political office.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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