Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Topics: Ann Coulter, 9/11

Tuesday, 21 November 2006

image for Ann Coulter Calls For The Death Of Ann Coulter?
Socrates - this is what happens when you corrupt the youth

(Washington, D.C.) Has Ann Coulter lost it? In her most recent column, Ann Coulter writes, "When I read some of the things I've written, I cringe. A principled, right wing, committed person of good conscious, not to mention modest, such as myself, cannot breathe air on the same planet as someone like, well, me. So, I'm calling for the my death." The statement has pundits on both the left and right wondering wazzup?

Tucker Carlson, who shares Coulter's views on Canada without the United State being the Honduras, had mixed feelings. "I have mixed feelings," said the redundant bow-tied commentator. With her out of the way, I'd be the number one conservative bitch. But I don't want to get the title that way." Ragin' Cajun James Carville simply expressed dismay. "That girl is more confused than George Bush in front of a world map." Comments are also pouring in from the international front. Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada, said simply, "She thinks we'd be the Honduras without the United States? Well, I think she's wrong...DEAD wrong."

Spin Mistress Supreme or insane as Hitler in the bunker with Sharon Stone Basic Instinct legs? Coulter has even gone so far as to launch a web site, www.KillAnnC.com. According to alexa.com, the site is getting 300,000 visits per day. And apparently, many want to fulfill her request. The forum section of the site has threads covering various means of death by everyone from Charles Manson, Adam Carolla, and Jesus, to George Bush. Though Coulter's publicist maintains, "We think the George Bush one might be fake."

The "Death Column", as it's come to be known in this story, has Coulter comparing herself to Socrates in his famous Apology. "Socrates was charged with corrupting the youth, and he faced death rather than retracting what he said and going down in history as an hypocrite. I will stand by what I said and go down, especially if the guy is good looking and buys me the surf and turf."

Universal Press Syndicate, the company carrying Coulter's column in the three papers that still run it, issued this statement. "If Ms. Coulter wants to call for her own death, that's certainly her right. But until we have proven she actually wrote this column. We reserve further comment."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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