Written by Cereal and Milk
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Thursday, 4 September 2014

image for ALS Teen Relives Ice Bucket Challenge Everyday When He Slips In Shower
"Leave me alone, mother!"

After decades of not giving a shit, the American public has finally decided to pretend to care about the crippling disease ALS by pouring icy-cold water over their faces. While most can easily wipe off their wet grins, ALS stricken teen Oliver Perry relives the "Ice Bucket Challenge" everyday when he slips in the shower.

In his tell-all interview, Oliver Perry describes the routine of being smashed into his shower walls after the broken pendulums that he calls legs give out. "Well, usually I can get my spasming limbs inside the shower, but almost instantly one of my baby ankles gives out and I spend a good hour trying but failing to flop out of the tub. Then I remain docile for the night, until my family decides to investigate the random banging."

He continued to explain that, "Even after all the terrible noises I make, half the time, I have to lay in wake for two days, until my family finally realizes I'm squirming. That's mostly because they think it's the family cat ramming its head into shit again. It's gotten to the point were the scoliosis in my shoulders has morphed into the shape of a broken butterfly."

When asked how the newfound support for the disease has changed his life, the ALS riddled teen said, "You know, it's weird but I still feel real shitty even after watching healthy, rich kids pour ice water over their heads. I know its for a cause and all, but I've never been more self aware of the fact that I can barley lift my legs, let alone a bucket."

At press time, the ALS teen was seen struggling to lift an icy-cold bucket overhead to avoid donating after being accidentally nominated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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