COMING SOON TO A SCHOOL NEAR YOU - Michelle Obama has banished the pink cookie beloved by millions of red-blooded Americans. According to the First Lady, "the dessert have too many calorie" for children, or, for that matter, the president himself (a long-time fan of boogers and fries).
At least, that is her "official" complaint against the confectionery delight. Insiders, however, say that the First Lady is not a "big fan of pink." In her view, pink is politically incorrect, because it "approximates the color of the Caucasian persuasion." She prefers cookies that are dark chocolate. However, that does not include Oreos, "because they be for Uncle Toms," Mrs. Obama says, "since they be white on the inside."
Mrs. Obama has dispatched the Department of Health and Human Services to schools across the fruited plain to ensure that the "racist sweet ain't being served" in any cafeterias. She also put parents who send their children to school with homemade lunches on notice: "If they contain a pink cookie, that cookie gone be confiscate, one way or another." The Food Police, she warns, have "been equip with laxative and stomach pumps." Children, the White House declared, "can be searched and seized at will, with or without parental notification and consent."
Instead of the pink cookie, schoolchildren are being offered yogurt and sweetened alfalfa sprouts, but, so far, there have been few takers, and some parents have discussed the possibility of staging a protest to "bring back the pink."
"I don't know why whitie so pissed," the First Lady said. "They can have all the dark chocolate they wants, and, like Barack always say, once they have black, they never go back!"
The next target of the Obama administration's Food Police: crackers.
"They just be racist," Mrs. Obama claims. "They very name be racist!"