Written by Jaime Tyler
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Friday, 15 August 2014

The Federal Government has announced Friday morning they will be arming all qualified African American Youth, ranging in ages from 11-27 years. The new program,which has been named, No Child Left Unarmed, will take effect September 1, 2014 as a 'trial run' in the state of Chicago. "If things work out, we will start issuing weapons in all sates," President Obama Stated.

In Chicago, the news has already reached the public as waves of African American teenagers have started lining up outside of gun stores screaming what type of weapons they prefer. Gun store owners have obviously not been made aware of this news, as we just received notice of three teenagers shot trying to grab guns off the shelves screaming, "Obama said we could!" It still hasn't been made clear who is supposed to provide these weapons, so one can understand the actions by the gun store owners.

Surprisingly, there has not been much backlash from Law Enforcement. Many of the officers at state and local levels are even somewhat relieved by this new program as it will provide a level playing field on dangerous streets where crooked officers have been reaking havoc since anyone can remember. One officer was kind enough to elaborate on the relief he says he feels by stating, "everyday we go out there and we have no idea what is going to happen. At least now we don't have to worry about a kid being armed before we shoot them. One less thing to think about when you're in the heat of action, ya know?"

The qualifications for No Child Left Unarmed, have not yet been discussed. But Obama has asked the public to please keep faith that he 'knows what he's doing.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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