The Terrorist Services Organization (TSA) closed down the St. Louis Lambert Field after a suicide tornado struck the field today.
Although no specific terrorist group took immediate responsibility for the attack, managers at the TSA acknowledged that this looked like the work of domestic, international or local solar system terrorists. This most certainly was not the work of extra-terrestrial terrorists said Mark Mindloss, spokes/wo/man for the TSA.
The TSA immediately raised the security level to purple and began confiscating portable hair dryers, fans and other devices that could be used to create tornadoes.
Five people directly outside the airport, seen smoking cigarettes and blowing smoke rings were arrested after being reported by passengers. "We're not taking any chances with public safety" said TSA officer Patuup. "We want to thank the public for reporting these potential terrorists who could have caused additional tornadoes, or possibly hurricanes."
Sources have reported that TSA officials are also detaining boys 7-12 on suspicion of farting. "In addition to creating tornadoes, these kids could ignite at any time" reported an unnamed but reliable source. "It's their parents responsibility to ensure they take the required daily dose of bean-o. Everyone knows the consequences of ignoring this law." said the source.