President Barack Obama was rushed to the Walter Reed Army Medical Center with reported shortness of breath and chest pain, after being briefed about the results of a study tracking the progress of the first wave of "DREAMers", or those young people encouraged to illegally cross into the United States. The study followed 12 year old immigrants who entered the US illegally in 2008 and are now 18 years old.
According to the published results, a whopping 93% of the now 18 year old people say that if they were allowed to register and vote, they would join the GOP and support the Tea Party.
"Yes, the patten was quite clear" said study director Scott 'Skip' Tracer. "Over and again the subjects stated that the reason they came here was for the promise of freedom and liberty--they really did come for a better way of life, and after six years of living here, they have almost unanimously rejected the role of taken for granted ward of the state, guaranteed Democratic voter, and low level worker taking the jobs whites don't want...as one participant phrased it, 'Screw that amigo! I didn't risk my life to be Obama's bitch or Harry Reid's slave!'"
While President Obama was said to be resting comfortably and staying overnight at Walter Reed "Strickly as a precaution", the results of the study continued to make waves.
Charlie Rangel and Al Sharpton immediately dennounced the 18 year old illegal immigrants as "Racist" and called for them to be immediately deported. Nancy Pelosi went even further, stirring the controversy by suggesting that they should be "shot on sight", with a "bounty system" in place to reward citizens who bring in a confirmed Tea Bag Dreamer--dead or alive.
In Texas, the news caused havoc as there were scattered reports of skirmishes between Department of Homeland Security forces and Border Patrol agents, with some rushing in to arrest and deport the traitorous illegal immigrant Tea Baggers, and others defending them as fellow patriots.